4 days after this writing, it will have been exactly a year since the last blog was posted. And my, oh my, what a year it has been. Now, before I post this quote, it is more unknown as to who wrote/said it, but it has been tagged to that of C.S. Lewis. But regardless of who said it or not, I find this quote to be so timely in times of reflections, especially if that reflection is longer than a month– This is the quote: Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?” BOOM!
The last blog that was posted I believe I just got back from San Diego after two years… and now since that, how do I summarize one year later. It would seem as though, through all of the strikes, and gutters of life, that God by and through His sovereign grace is holding our hands and saying, don’t be afraid, I got you. <– To be honest, this is something one can only know when looking back. Now, mind you, I don’t look back because I miss those times, I am looking back, merely to see how far I have come. By the end of this writing, dear reader, you will see, oh, you will see. My homecoming wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be, it was quite the contrary. I fell into sin that I had not checked, and as we know, the more we let sin enter in, it truly does give birth to death. Therefore, the next six months of my life was flirting with death. Sure, there was a momentary pleasure that came from flirting with death, but friend, is it truly worth the risk of your soul for a moments pleasure, when you are offered an eternal satisfaction? After six months of this, my close friends, and mentors encouraged me to seek counseling, to seek professional help. By God’s grace, what the enemy meant for death, God meant for life… Through counseling, God truly opened my eyes to my own brokenness, which isn’t as bad it sounds, but also, I got to know way more about my self, my family, my extended family, my friends, my past, and how they are all interconnected. Sometimes there are things you can only learn in the precipice of life. We can be grateful after the fact, but it’s more challenging to be grateful when you’re going through it.
As I go through counseling, I’m also navigating a relation/friend/ship. It was challenging, to say the least. Had I not been in prayer, had I not been praying for her, and after what I had gone through six months prior, I did not want to re-taste the bitterness of death. So instead, I chose to eat from the bread of life, and drink the living water, and I chose right. By choosing the latter, I respected her, and loved her, by not doing with my body what I’m not willing to do with my life; And I’m all the better for it. I was faithful to my God for not taking something that wasn’t mine, but instead, gave what is, my heart. I believe I chose to cherish her for who she is, rather than see her as a sum of her body parts.
^^This was during and after the entirety of counseling, which was another six months. Imagine, coming home from a two-year long stint in San Diego, being introduced to great food, godly people, finding new and refreshing ways to channel worship, learning from some of the best theologians I have ever encountered, and then, a deep valley.
Yet, the one thing that remained constant, and the same, was the character of God. Through all the ebbs and flows of life, God remained the same. When everyone left, He was still there. Counseling is hard, because it forces you to look at why you did what you did, right? To get at the roots of all of your choices, and see how and from what, you are operating. I had a really patient, and good counselor. I’m beyond blessed, and thankful for our time together.
I finally leave Sundance for good– And decide, that whatever my next job will be, it will be a job that develops my character, hones my gifts, and abilities. I no longer wanted an odd job, or a job that didn’t bring the best out of me. So for a short while I thought that was caregiving, but through much prayer, I soon realized that caregiving wasn’t it. Through more prayer, and asking for wisdom, an opportunity to work for an after school program fell through. Mind you, this was in the middle of summer, and the best is still yet to come.
Although, I’ll leave my Cambodia mission trip for another blog post.
Now, we’re almost ready to move forward. Next will be part two of One Year Later: Cambodia.
